FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
