I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
