i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
