I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
