i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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