Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize