tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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