Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize