I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
