There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
