i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He shit in the fireplace
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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