Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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