im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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