Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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