Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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