batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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