Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
