When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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