I just pynch a tree in the face
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
