Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
