swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
