An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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