Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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