Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize