We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
