Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
