do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
