dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
