got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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