life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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