im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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