he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
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