your thong is hanging out like whoa
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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