obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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