Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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