this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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