I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
