I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Are my feet made of real feet?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
