1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
