stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
