his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
