someone get that fucking seahorse.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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