I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
