it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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