Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
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