it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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