I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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