im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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