I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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