I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
