Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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