Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize