My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I checked into jail on foursquare
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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