During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They have beer where we have blood.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
