he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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