Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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