This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
