The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
