What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
