i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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