when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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