He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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