she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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