I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
