So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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