its not stalking. its research.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
