There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
only if we run a train.
done.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
