Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
