So drunk its hurt
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
