Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
