i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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