I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
