i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I supernannyed him into submission
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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