in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think thatβs a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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