I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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