Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
