The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
