plz talk dirty to me
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I faked an abortion last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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