Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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