Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
