They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
